Commercial Bits
by Hikaru R. Kudou
Summary: Ever wondered what kind of commercials the SD peeps would be doing should they star in one? Well, there's only one way to find out - Click on the title!
1. First it was...

DISCLAIMER: I only own the plot. IF it deserves to be called a plot *grins*  
SUMMARY: Ever wondered what kind of commercials the SD peeps would be doing should they star in one? Wonder no more, because here's the answer!

~Part One~  
**Of Shampoos and Hairdyes**

Frequent exposure to the sun may result to dry and lifeless hair. Your hair may not shine healthily as before, aside from split ends. But worry no more!  
            Introducing a brand new shampoo, ABC! It penetrates deep into your hair roots, reviving them naturally without any side effect! You'll see the result in a matter of days!  
            Wait! If you buy now, there's a special gift in store for you! ABC hair dye! It colours your hair like no other dyes, maintaining the hair in its healthy condition! You won't face any hair problems after using ABC hair dye!  
            "Yeah, I must say I'm entirely happy with the result of the hair dye," explained Sakuragi, his flaming hair as red as ever. "My locks are now more lively, and a girl actually asked me out on a date! Thank you, ABC Hair Dye!"  
            Also available in various colours! Fiery Red…  
            [a shot of Sakuragi turning his head, gazing back at the video camera with a thoughtful expression on his face. His hair was shining—as if it was emitting fire (maybe that was indeed a fire)]  
            …Stylish Black…  
            [a scene of Rukawa cycling energetically—running away from his shinetai "Rukawa! Rukawa! L-O-V-E Rukawa!"]  
            …Brownie…  
            [Miyagi's smiling face with the sun behind him. His earstud sparkled magnificently—a sight which Ayako herself could not resist]  
            …Golden Sunshine…  
            [Ookuzu Yuji, the blond in the Sakuragi Army, grinning broadly]  
            …Sweet Chocolate…  
            [Fujima smiling sweetly—just like the colour of his hair dye]  
            …Black and Blue…  
            [Mitsui running a hand through his hair]  
            …we even have Silvery White!  
            [Anzai drinking his tea placidly]  
            ABC hair dye is available in every pharmacy there is! Get your ABC shampoo and hair dye today! Don't miss it!

**Behind the scene**:  
Sakuragi: "The tensai protests! This is my natural hair colour! I did NOT dye it!"  
Rukawa: *nods—or is he trying to stay awake?* "I'm happy with my own locks, thank you."  
Ayako: "Rukawa and Sakuragi agreeing with each other? Wow, this commercial business must be really bad!"  
Miyagi: "WHY brownie??? Such a stupid name!!!"  
Fujima: "Not forgetting sweet chocolate! What's up with that?"  
Ayako: *wipes her drools away—fortunately for her Miyagi did not notice her drooling*  
Yuji: "Golden Sunshine?" *makes weird gagging noises*  
Mitsui: "Cool it, guys—the commercial's rather cool!"  
Director: *nods in agreement—after all, he's the one who arranged it*  
Anzai: "I actually dyed mine…"  
Mitsui: "ANZAI-SENSEI!!!???" *fainting fit*  
Kogure: "Mitsui!"  
Rukawa: *jaws open—exceedingly shocked*  
Sakuragi: "Now that's scary…"

~Part Two~  
**Hair Gel**

Your hair not sleek enough? Does it look messy all the time? Is your hair weak and dehydrated?  
            [Sendoh with his hair down—boy he must've looked ridiculous]  
            [Kiyota with his hair uncombed—untidy is an understatement]  
            Get our new DEF hair gel! It enables you to shape your hair according to your preferences! Be it gravity defying…  
            [Sendoh Akira fishing and hair rustling through his newly gelled hair]  
            …or not…  
            [Rukawa with his killer eyes barely visible from his bangs]  
            …bushy…  
            [Sakuragi before his haircut]  
            …curtain-like…  
            [Koshino wiping his sweaty forehead]  
            …muffin-like…  
            [the same picture of Miyagi]  
            …short and spiky…  
            [Mitsui inhaling the fresh air around him—with style]  
            …or wavy…  
            [Ayako walking down the street confidently, clad in chic outfit]  
            …or simply anything! You can decide your own hairdo! Simply apply the gel on to your hair and comb until your choice of hairdo is found. Then, you're ready to go!  
            [Sendoh, smiling, signing autographs]  
            [Rukawa, still avoiding his shinetai]  
            Don't waste a single second! Rush to the nearest pharmacy outlet to get your own DEF hair gel!

**Behind the scene:  
**Miyagi: "First it was brownies…then muffins?! HEY!! I've had enough of muffins already!"  
Sendoh: "Just WHERE did you get the video of me with my hair down?"  
Koshino: "I warned you not to take that picture of me! Don't you understand simple English (or Japanese, whichever)?"  
Miyagi: "And how come you used the same picture those ABC dudes used? Can't you get another?"  
Mitsui: "Argh! My nose looks humungous!"  
Ayako: "I hate paparazzi's…"  
Kiyota: "I like my hair to look untidy, thanks a lot for criticizing it!"  
Sakuragi: "Wild monkey is mad…really mad…"  
Kiyota: "Yurusei, red monkey!"  
Rukawa: "Stupid shinetai…stupid ABC DEF…"  
Director: *runs away since everyone is mad with him*

~end of chapter~

Author's Notes: So sorry for the poor English. Did you enjoy it? If you do I might continue with it. Please review before leaving. Thanks a lot for reading! *bows*


	2. Secondly...

DISCLAIMER: I only own the plot. Then again—is it a plot in the first place? *grins*  
SUMMARY: Ever wondered what kind of commercials the SD peeps would be doing should they star in one? Wonder no more, because here's the answer!

~Part Three~  
**Paper Products**

Can't seem to read clearly? It's not your eyes; but it's the paper!  
            But you will not face the same problem with GHI quality paper! Made with the finest quality ever known to mankind, it's THE paper of the century! It is thicker, and thus it will not tear easily!  
            [Fan girls tugging on a piece of wet paper—which has Rukawa's saliva on it]  
            [Another bunch of fan girls fight over a piece of paper with Fujima's autograph on it]  
            GHI is great for working out complex mathematical sums—you'll see the numbers more clearly. Therefore, you'll be able to think more clearly as well!  
            [Akagi scribbling his Physics answer violently on a GHI paper—and the paper does not tear]  
            [Kogure holding up his Additional Mathematics paper with 100% written on it in red pen, grinning broadly. His spectacles flashed.]  
            [Hikoichi jotting down important notes with his occasional articulations of "Yo check ya!]  
            GHI paper is also suitable for any other occasion!  
            [Ayako folding a piece of GHI paper into her formidable paper-fan. Next she slapped two juniors (who else but Rukawa and Sakuragi) with it. The poor freshmen fell unconscious]  
            "I really recommend using GHI quality paper," said Ayako, holding her weapon. "I find that it does not tear easily—unlike before, I had to switch to another paper-fan every time because it tore after the first blow. It's very economical for the reason that I save a lot of money because I used to spend so much on papers only."  
            Behind her, Miyagi was murmuring "Aya-chan~"  
            Ayako sighed. "Excuse me for a moment." She immediately spanked Miyagi squarely on the face. The unfortunate point guard fell unconscious.  
            "And it also provides protection! Thank you, GHI quality paper!"  
            GHI quality paper! If it's not GHI, it ain't paper!

**Behind the scene:  
**Kogure: *adjusts his glasses* "It's scientifically proven that papers tear—especially if it's pulled in such, um, brutal a manner."  
Mitsui: "And just because you can't read something that's written on the paper doesn't mean it's the paper—"  
Director: *sighs* "But I'm just following orders—"  
Rukawa: *snorts silently* "Coming from you yourself."  
Director: "Ahh, well…"  
Mitsui: "Hey, Miyagi. I think I know what's your problem with your, um, you know."  
Miyagi: "My—what?"  
Mitsui: "You know…"  
Miyagi: "No, I don't know!"  
Mitsui: "I'M TALKING ABOUT YOUR HEIGHT, IDIOT!"  
Everyone: *snickers*  
Miyagi: "HEY! Watch it!"  
Mitsui: "Anyway, as I was trying to say, is it probably to infer that Ayako's fan has something to do with you not getting any taller? I mean, she does spank you on the head…"  
Miyagi: *turns pale* "Oh, crap…he does have a point…"  
Sakuragi: "You know, you can't sell that paper."  
Director: "Why not?"  
Sakuragi: "It's a threat to everyone—"  
Director: "Threat?"  
Sakuragi: "It's the most fatal threat ever imposed upon us—second only to Gori's—" *suddenly stumbles over with a massive lump on his head*  
Akagi* rubs his smoking knuckles*

~Part Four~  
**Bakery Shop**

Miyagi Ryota stood in front of his bakery shop. He bowed in greetings.  
            "Welcome to my humble bakery house, The Shrine of Ayako. Please, step inside.  
            We serve a variety of buns and other types of bakery, from cupcakes—  
            A picture of Miyagi holding a tray filled with colourful cupcakes.  
            "Extremely cute—just like Aya-chan."  
            Cakes…  
            "Incredibly beautifully decorated—just like Aya-chan."  
            Pies…  
            "Awfully tempting—just like Aya-chan."  
            Sweet buns…  
            "Sweet—of course Aya-chan is sweeter."  
            Tarts…  
            "By all means delicious—outdone only by Aya-chan."  
            Doughnuts…  
            "Exceptionally hot—just like Aya-chan."  
            Also, let's not forget muffins and brownies!  
            Miyagi inhaled the muffins and brownies. "Luscious aroma—definitely like Aya-chan."  
            Cookies…  
            "Ah, the best choice there is—just like Aya-chan."  
            We also serve sugar-free bakeries…  
            "The only aspect very unlike my Aya-chan!"  
            And an assortment of bakeries for you to enjoy!  
            "But there is only one and only Aya-chan!"  
            We provide delivery services too! Contact 7-I-LOVE-AYA-CHAN-WITH-ALL-MY-HEART or AYA-WILL-YOU-GO-OUT-WITH-ME for further information. Call now!

**Behind the scene:**  
Ayako: *buries her face in utter embarrassment*  
Everyone: *sickly look*  
Rukawa: *counts the number of times the word Aya-chan is repeated and soon falls asleep*  
Miyagi: "Finally, an advertisement I'm truly proud of! Aya-chan~"  
Mitsui: "Since when is Ayako yours?"  
Kogure: "Um, Miyagi—pray define the term delicious you used to describe Ayako?"  
Akagi: "Don't forget hot…"  
Sakuragi: "Ayako-san tempting?"  
Rukawa: *jerks up suddenly, awake* "Beautifully decorated?" *falls back to sleep*  
Akagi: "What's with the phone numbers? The whole world already knows of your obsession over Ayako."  
Ayako: *nearly dies of humiliation*  
Mitsui: "The Shrine of Ayako?"  
Ayako: *grabs her GHI paper fan and threatens Miyagi with it* "Ryota! What were you thinking?"  
Miyagi: "Demo Aya-chan—I was following the scripts!" *shows his script to Ayako*  
Director: "Uh…they differ from mine…I don't remember having any 'Aya-chan' in my script…or Ayako for that matter…"  
Miyagi: *re-examines the script* "Funny, the writing seems familiar—"  
Kogure: *suddenly remembers* "Hey, isn't that your handwriting, Mitsui?"  
Mitsui: "What do you mean, Kogure? I've done nothing of that sort!" *tries his best to look innocent*  
Ayako: "It IS Mitsui-sempai's handwriting!"  
Sakuragi: "Mitchy! That explains it! Hahahahhaah!" *laughs tearfully, and only stops when Ayako's GHI paper-fan lands on his head*  
Mitsui: _Whoops, the cat is out of the bag—_  
Ayako, Miyagi: "Mitsui Hisashi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
Mitsui: *runs away as Miyagi and Ayako chase him, still laughing insanely* "Hey, wait! I thought you don't use your fans on your seni—OWWWW!!!"

~Part Five~  
**Deodorant**

In a basketball stadium…  
            "Sendoh! Sendoh!"  
            "Sendoh is now getting ready to do the free throw," said the announcer guy.  
            Five seconds…four…three…two…one…  
            The whistle was blown. "Five seconds violation! Technical foul!"  
            The opponent team sniggered.  
            "Sendoh Akira! Just why didn't you shoot?" demanded Koshino.  
            Sendoh smiled apologetically. "It's because…  
In another basketball stadium…  
            "Jin-san!" Kiyota passed the ball to Jin.  
            Jin caught the ball deftly yet gracefully. He moved into his position—behind the three pointer line.  
            "Come on, Jin!" cheered Maki.  
            But Jin made no attempt to shoot. Instead, he threw the ball in Maki's direction, the latter somewhat unprepared.  
            "Jin! What are you doing? Why didn't you shoot?" insisted Maki.  
            Jin lowered his head. "Well, it's because…"  
The screen splits into two, the left side a picture of Sendoh whilst the right Jin.  
            "It's because I forgot to put on my deodorant this morning," they replied in unison.  
            In the background, Koshino was yelling out threats to Sendoh, and was joined by their Coach Taoka, who was shaking his fist at Sendoh. Maki, Kiyota and Kainan's opponent sweat dropped in confusion whilst Coach Takatoh broke his fan into two in anger.  
Scared of body odour? Use JKL body deodorant!  
            [Sendoh applying the deodorant on his armpit]  
            [Jin unzipped his backpack, revealing the deodorant inside it]  
            JKL body deodorant! Don't shoot hoops without it!

Behind the scene:  
Everyone: *sweat drop*  
Sendoh: *smiles uncertainly* "Uh…I don't think I need any deodorant…"  
Jin: *raises hand* "Neither do I."  
Taoka, Takatoh: "You're making my team look bad! My players would never let a trifling problem stop them from playing basketball!"  
Sendoh, Jin: *nod in agreement*  
Director: *backs away, thinking '_God, I hate my job…_'*  
Hikoichi: "…Sendoh-san and Jin-san are afraid of body odours…" *takes out his notebook and starts writing*  
Takatoh, Taoka: "Hikoichi Aida! Put that pen away!"  
Maki, Uozumi: *shrugs helplessly*

~Part Six~  
Spectacles

You think your glasses are strong enough to withhold any damage?  
            [Hanagata's glasses dropping on the floor, shattering to bits during their game against Shohoku]  
            You think your glasses are flashy enough?  
            [Coach Anzai's spectacles flashed as he came up with a strategy]  
            "Do you want to know what brand of eyewear do I use?" Kogure smiled in satisfaction. "I went to MNO optical store! They provide many designs that will please your tastes! Plus, they don't break easily!"  
            [(Gangster) Mitsui slapping Kogure, and the latter's glasses fell on the floor. It did not fracture, not even a scratch]  
            "It's also comfortable to wear, and it does not slip off easily. You don't have to be short-sighed to wear one! With MNO glasses, you'll look more mature, handsome and intelligent. Head to your nearest MNO Optics outlet and get your own pair now!"

Behind the scene:  
Mitsui: "Uh, Kogure…you didn't tell me your eyes are perfectly fine…"  
Miyagi: "Then why wear them in the first place?"  
Akagi: "I think he explained why in the advertisement just now…"

~Part Seven~  
Restaurant

Sendoh and Koshino are walking together after their basketball practice.  
            "Hey, Koshino, how's about grabbing a bite before we head home?"  
            "Great idea, Sendoh! Let's try Uozumi's restaurant!"  
            "You do have the most interesting ideas! I heard it's really good."  
            "Of course it is! They serve cuisines from every part of the world! From Chinese cooking—"  
            [Uozumi frying noodles in a very large wok. On his face was a fake moustache, making him look almost Chinese]  
            "—Indian food—"  
            [Uozumi, a bit darker than usual and with a thicker moustache, stirring curry. He tastes it and with a contented expression, he shows a thumbs-up signal]  
            "—traditional and modern Japanese food—"  
            [Uozumi slicing sushi pieces and preparing soba at the same time]  
            "What about Western food?" interrupts Sendoh.  
            "I was just getting into that. The restaurant serves a variety of Western cuisine! From Italian food—"  
            [Uozumi preparing a dough for pizza. Next he twirls it around and tosses it upwards A/N: imagine how people normally makes pizza perfectly. Next, he spreads the topping on it expertly.]  
            "—French gourmet—"  
            [Uozumi serving two Japanese customers. "_Voilà!_" he says. "_Un chef-d'oeuvre! Bon appetite, ma chere madame et cher monsieur!_" A/N: Translation (if you need it) _Voilà_! A masterpiece! Enjoy your meal, my dear madam and dear sir!. The two customers look at him oddly, not understanding a single word]  
            "—American food—"  
            ["Would you like fries with that, Madame?" he asks one customer in a flawless American accent]  
            "Enough, Koshino! You're making me drool. Let's go!" Sendoh grabs Koshino's hand and run off, pulling Koshino rather harshly.  
            Caption: Uozumi's Restaurant! The best world's cuisines under one roof!

Behind the scene:  
Hikoichi: *impressed and grabs his notebook* "I didn't know the captain can speak French!"  
Koshino: "Sendoh! Will you please be more specific?"  
Sendoh: "Hm?"  
Koshino: "Just what did you mean by I make you drool?"  
Sendoh: "I meant that with your comment of the delicious and appetizing food in Uozumi's restaurant, I was getting hungry. That's why I was drooling."  
Koshino: *quietens* "…oh."  
Kogure: "Excuse my chipping in, but may I know what you were thinking of when he said that?"  
Koshino: "Oh, um, nothing! Nothing at all!" *laughs*  
Everyone: *sweat drop*

            ~end of chapter~

Author's Notes: Many thanks to the reviewers for the generous feedbacks! I never knew it's so hard to write humour *sighs*. Was it funny? I'll upload the third chapter next time – I'll continue as long as I still have some more ideas for further advertisements. Please leave me a review before leaving. Thanks a lot for reading! *bows*


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